My heart feels burden..i cant possibly describe tt feelings..i hate myself...questions flashed across my mind..images feel flashing past my eyes..do i not have the capabilities??m i nt fit to it?? then y nt choose mi go ssc??don giv mi excuses, i wan an honest answer..i cant accept the fact that im nt choosen...im supposed to be choosen if nt for u(u shld know who u are), fuking helll because u go tell the person tt u wanna go ssc then he let u go, is nt fair, i don accept the reason because he nids more experience, if he nids more experience then wat abt mi??? i knows tt im nt up to the standard yet...bt the point is tt the disappointment tt is kept in my heart unknown by others, do u know how it feels??time and time again, the disppointment accumulated in my heart and tt i have to keep it in my heart..so tt the person who is nt supposed to go ssc to nt know..WAT THE FUCK is this??jus because of him, i cant go??bt wat u all tell mi, if a specs don wan to come for ncc training then don come la...bt u are xconfusing mi...i jus wan to be the same as others,going the same course as them, u know how i feel whenever they taalk abt the topic of ssc and i nver go, u know how i feel, my heart ache, i don wan to be the special person, going a course tt they don wanna go.. and wat is the point of going supernumary course if they don wan you to pass out, wat is the point of being the best when they are nt known abt it..wat is the point of being the tops, if they wan to get rid of u, wat is the point of being in the same platoon, if they wan to elimate u??i cant voice out, he jus don understand it..he jus don understand the disappointment..the pain in my heart, i jus hve to keep all these in my heart, it has become a burden in mi...i don wan to hav another disappointment..if another disappointment struck upon..i may jus break down...whch mean i will giv up everything, i will jus concentrate on my studies, im jus too tired now, bt i don care abt my tiredness, i continue to help u all, but i get is the disappointment..u all jus show ur good side to the seniors, bt behind their back,u are the worst, WTF is this?? jus admit tt ur standard is nt there la, ok i admit my standard is nt gd, bt u all leh??are u all oso up to standard, im sure nt la....in fact, i don think u all know mi...i jus wan to be the same as u all..i don wan to be the special one..in the fact, i don actually wan to go supernumary, i jus wan to go ssc tts all..my hope is like tt...y i don wan to supernumary?? this is because i wan to be normal, i don wana to be special, going supernumary is to "an wei" my heart onli... and y the person can go ssc when he is nt supposed to?? this is because he complains in front of the seniors and this is nt fair at all lor..and since is becoz he wanna to go ssc and say tt if he nver go ssc, he don wan come ncc anymore, WTF, i oso can be the same wor..since u all like tt, i might as well concentrate on my studies and prefect, wat for i waste my time of ncc if ncce say 1 things to him and another thing to mi..tt person is nth..his standard is nt fit to go ssc at all..i mean even others oso can win him..he don hAv the standard to go ssc at all, and he keep thinking tt he is fit to go..haha..in actual fact u are nt.. don believe jus ask the seniors, ask them to speak the truth to u..